It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
