New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
