Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
