I can tuck mytits in my pants
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
