A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
