this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
