Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
