I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
