I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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