So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
