mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
