You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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