My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
