3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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