I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
