So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You're like the curious george of whores
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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