I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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