So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
