Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
