I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
