I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
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