So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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