she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
