i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
should my penis look like a turkey
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
