smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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