Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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