im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
