he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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