Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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