can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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