if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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