I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
then he tried to convert me to islam
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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