Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Randomize
