White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
