I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
where are you?
Hypothermia
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
