Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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