the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
