If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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