Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
