Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
