You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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