The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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