just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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