im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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