I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
