I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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