So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
