Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
