so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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