At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
