She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
